If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I could fuck to npr.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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