dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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