I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
