Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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