no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
