So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
