Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
