Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
