Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
