How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
