So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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