She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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