you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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