WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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