i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
