At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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