but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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