Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
