Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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