I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
