halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
