So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
