He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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