At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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