You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
