Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
