Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
