Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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