For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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