Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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