i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
