She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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