Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
