My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
