when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
