the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Pants are for mortals
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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