I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
