They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
