I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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