I want to walk on stilts...naked
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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