There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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