I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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