I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
