She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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