you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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