The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
