Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
