woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
