# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
