There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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