I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
