is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think I am morally bankrupt
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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