This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
