Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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