The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
there was a trapeze. enough said
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
