While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize