Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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