there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
