my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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