remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
