Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
