In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
