Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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