i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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