Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
