Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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