i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
