is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
People in love make me want to vomit
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
