It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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