she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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