how hairy? two words: wookie tits
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
