Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
