I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
