5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
