I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
