I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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