I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I faked an abortion last night.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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