i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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