He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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